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It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly.
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Smiling at old people so they don't think that you're a teenage thug.
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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
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Thank you for giving me pieces of your heart to fill in the breaks in mine.

See some crazy people whatsapp status update. everyday i update, some funny whatsapp status.

A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
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Do you ever express your feelings with someone and afterwards you think to yourself.... that was gay as fuck.
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I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.

Creative Whatsapp Status, Make your whatsapp funny by sharing some interesting status

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
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More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
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Girl: OMG he's so cute...
Friend: You think so?
Girl: Yeah, but don't tell him.
Friend: *Yells out* Hey dude.... my friend thinks you're cute.!!!
Girl: You fucking bitch.
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Imagine reading a book of all the lies you've told.
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Here's an idea, how about everyone stfu and quit bitching about lame posts and just steal statuses like you're here for anyways. Better yet, come up with your own shit if it's such a big deal you uncreative douches. Now let the dislikes and vulgar comments begin.
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I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
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My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with only two fingers baby" So I poked her in the eyes.
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Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck you've seen that actor before...
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Me: *laughs*
Mum: what's so funny what's going on who are you talking to can I see what's this joke is all about what are you trying to hide from me and your father.
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Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
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Every few years I come to the realization that I was such an idiot just a few years ago.
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I believe in karma That means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .
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If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don't think this relationship is going to work.
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How does school expect me to choose a career path at 15? wtf I can't even choose what I want for dinner.

That awkward moment when you have a crush on someone you've never spoken to.
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Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.

*Reasons why I'm single*
When I like someone, they don't like me. When someone likes me, I don't like them.
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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
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Every few years I come to the realization that I was such an idiot just a few years ago.

Look Some Funniest status message on my whatsapp.

I wish guys and girl friends could sleep over without parents questioning and not making it a fucking big deal.

Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....

If a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it

Friend: Hey who wants to start a gang?
Me: Ill have to ask my mum first.
Me: My mum wants to talk to your mum just to make sure its okay.

I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".

I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!

When my hands are cold I warm them between my thighs. Are your ears cold?

One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk

Girls spend too much time deciding what to wear, like guys aren't picturing them naked the whole time.

Some one Liner Short Jokes Message for your whatsapp message.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.

2 blondes walk into a building... you'd think one of them would've seen it.

A fish swims into a wall. Dam.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.

I don't remember where I heard this one but I think it's pretty funny:
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.

A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.

A man goes to the circus manager and asks for a job. The manger asks "What can you do?" "Well," says the guy, "it's easier if I show you." He starts flapping his arms, and runs then he takes off and flies around and around inside the big top, looping around the poles, perching on the high wire and eventually he swoops back to the manager and lands softly in front of him. The manager looks at him for a minute, strokes his chin and says "That's all you do? Bird impersonations?"

I usually go with "what's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?" One less drunk


What's an Irish seven-course meal?
A six pack and a potato.

What do wooden whales eat?

Plankton.

This joke is legit [OC] which is why it's so fucking terrible.
]

Wanna be the reason for her smile every morning....not the one making her cry every night..

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"Never hate people who r jealous of u ,respect their jealousy.
cuz they r the one who think u r better than them".

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If I could be any part of you I'd be your tear.
To be conceived in your heart born in your eyes
live on your cheeks and die on your lips.

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u'Ve cOmplete right to kick off nusiance nd useless Ppl from ur Lyf cause at the end its ur lyf.

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Sitting in class wondering how the hell the teacher got the job..

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Never be dependent to anyone in this world cuz even your own shadow leaves you when you're in the darkness..!!
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Stay strong, make them wonder how you're still smiling

“How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.”

“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” 

The sweetest things you can do for a girl are the little things that let her know that she's on your heart and on your mind.

When someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that’s love.

“Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart!” 

A hug is the perfect gift- one size fits all and nobody minds if you exchange it.

Its not that I’m afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of falling in love with the wrong person…again

“For awhile, I thought that was love.

Falling in love with you was never my intention. but it became my ADDICTION.

Loving someone never gives you the right to control them. You cant force them to love you the way you want.

You're not perfect at all and that's what makes you perfect to me.

“Everyone has choices to make; no one has the right to take those choices away from us. Not even out of love.”

My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

All those who are still in school, this is for you – You are having the best time of your life, live it.

I believe GOD per perfect plan for my life!

I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet I'm right here.

We've still got a few days until Valentine's Day, so if you're secretly in love with me... Now is the time to speak up.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

“So many books, so little time.”

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And others I love to punch in the face.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

It only hurts when you love someone and you know they don't love you back.

If people cared they'd check in, if they loved you they would show it, if you meant something to them they wouldn't have let you go.

I love you hurts more than I hate you when I know I can't have you.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

The worst kind of love is the one felt by only one person.

Some Loving people on whatsapp update their whatsapp with some really romantic love status. here i collect some romantic love status on my whatsapp last week.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”


“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”

How can one person bring so many tears to one little eye? It's hard to fall in love, but even harder to say good bye.


You'll never know pain until you look into the eyes of the person you love and they look away.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

The worst feeling in the world is to know you were used and lied to by some one you trusted.

Sometimes the person that hurt you the most, is the one you need the most.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”


It's hard to trust somebody when the one person who you completely opened up to is the person who later completely betrayed you.


At some point in life you just got to be your own hero and save your own heart. Because sometimes those who you thought would never hurt you or leave you will be the first to walk right out your life.

Make Your whatsapp interesting to your friend with some cool status message. here are some idea of whatsapp cool status update.


-- can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t want to stop.

There is no house more beautiful than the house you happily live in.

Short and meaningful lines: An eye with dust & a heart with trust always cries.

Just because I like your Whatsapp status does not mean I want to sleep, date, or hangout with you...

You aren't cool because you played her, you're cool because you're an asshole and apparently that's what society likes.

Life ends when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing and love ends when you stop caring. So dream hope and love makes life beautiful.

Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you because they can’t handle everything that’s right about you.

Saying what you really want and mean, will always save you from relationship misunderstandings…

The best place in the world is in the arms of someone who will not only hald you at your best but will pick you up and hug you tight at your weakest.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”