- “I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.”
- “I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.”
- “It's great being blonde - with such low expectations it's easy to impress.”
- “I would read Playboy magazine more often, but my glasses keep steaming over.”
- “I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
- “Certain times I like sex. Like after a cigarette.”
- “During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.”
(Glass breaks) woman: I think someones breaking in! Man: I'll take care of this (grabs a toilet brush) Woman: A toilet brush? What are you going to do scrub him to death? Man: Would you want to be touched with this?
When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.
If you're on the show "16 and Pregnant" you have a pretty good chance of being on the follow-up show "32 and a Grandmother"
Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession
I saw an elderly women wearing a "Guess" sweatshirt the other day so I said ...82?? She didnt smile
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants"
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
thing. You don't win once in a
awhile, you don't do things right
once in awhile, you do them right
all of the time. Winning is a habit,
unfortunately, so is losing."
Good things come to those whohustle while they wait.
The fastest way to pass your ownexpectations is to add passion toyour labor.- Mike Litman
Your ideas are likediamonds.. .without the refiningprocess, they are just a dirty rock,but by cutting away the impurities,they become priceless.- Paul Kearly
