Bumper Sticker: Jesus may love you, but everybody else hates your guts!

They say that drinking kills brain cells, but the way I figure it is that it’s like a lion chasing a herd of buffalo. It will only kill the slowest ones first.

Why is it when there is a 50/50 chance of doing something right, 90% of the time you do it wrong??

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.

You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status :)

Sad quotes that make you cry!

Sad love quotes for him

1. A relationship doesn't have to start out having to confident, eclectic, self aware & balanced people in it but it should end up that way.

2. Just because your pain is understandable doesn't mean your behavior is acceptable. Using old pain to stir up new pain is never cool. And I'm a cool kid so you can't sit with me.

3. Don't allow what you think you want to make you hold on to what you know you don't need.

4. To be tempted is to be enticed or allured to do a thing by an external force. To be prompted is to be driven or inspired to do a thing by an internal force. Ask yourself, next time you make a decision, was I enticed or inspired?

5. Continue on when you hear my voice telling you I moved on.

6. Watch your circle many will come and go some will stay for the fame and games, and some will ride till they die, so watch closely as niggas begin to wait and move ahead.

7. A game of love composed of lots lovers, fake promises and much trash words!

8. People who seem to be heartless are the people who used to care the most in a relationship but they got let down.

9. I don't know if I will ever find happiness every time I think I do, tears come out of my heart and stomped in front of everyone

10. Get on my level, oh wait I forgot not even cheat codes can get you on my level.

11. I love you so much, you make my head spin, it feels like I'm about commit a crime even if its a sin, you took me for a ride on your mystery train, it felt like cold rain on a hot sunny day, you confused me and I don’t know what to do, but girl I just want you.

12. They say life is what you make it, and I make it gloomy!

13. Each person has just given one heart therefore; you should only love because true love can't be given to many people.

14. Depression is a glitch, Break ups are heartaches and losing a loved one is life changing. I’ve been through it all so give me what you got and I'll show you my strongest in my weakest!

15. Take away your mind and heart into this love game and you can be whoever you want to be! When you start from the bottom you can only go up!

16. There are many people in life that claim to be your friends but they don't even know the meaning of friendship if they can't understand you and comfort you in hard times rather they'll just try to maintain their ego.

17. He is lucky if he knows how to be happy even in the saddest times.

18. Where's that person that understands you when you're down and stressed out, that person that you can talk all your problems too and they can reason. Where's that person when you need them?

19. I miss you and your whole style, when I was actually worth your while, now I walk with a broken heart and a big fake smile, but where am I going.

20. Sometimes you got to treat cheaters like stair steps, take another step and move on.

21. At some point in life you have to get your worries together by any means. Nobody is going to hold your hand forever, you got to hustle for what you want and succeed.

22. Falling in love will never feel the same after I met you, but I really don't regret you, because seeing you broke me down inside knowing you’re not mine.

23. There will be times when no one understands you but you. You've got to have enough confidence in your decisions-regardless of past mistakes- to be okay with that.

Sad crying quotes

Don`t look back and ask why. Look ahead and say why not

60% of Whatsapp users have boyfriend/girlfriend .. Like this status if you love food

Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
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I look forward to the day when people will only know Cancer as a Zodiac sign
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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.

A number of people have proverbs and motivational messages as their status messages but very less have funny status messages. I have seen a lot of people have one just for the sake of it, One of my friend has ‘Be Positive’.. Really? Is that what you are trying to tell the world about u?  I have a collection and plan to make them public thorugh my blog. To get started off, here are some funny and ridiculous status messages.



    The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue

    As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either

    Forget Health Food. I’m at an age where i need all the preservatives i can get.

    My take home pay doesn’t ven take me home.

    I would be unstoppable. If i could just get started.

    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

    Reason I joined IT: I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.

    Reason I joined IT:Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.

    A day without sunshine is like, night.

    Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize   t    them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

    Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

    Death is hereditary.

    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

    Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

    Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

    Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

    Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

    Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. What u prefer??

    I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

    I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

    If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

    Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.

    Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

    Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

    Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

    Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

    When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

    We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    My friend recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs… ..”

    Love is holding hands in the street.Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

    Love is cuddling on a sofa.Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

    Love is going to bed early.Marriage is going to sleep early.

    Tv has no place in love.Marriage is a fight for remote control.

    Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

I hate being bipolar, it's great .
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*I asked my Heart*
Why can't I sleep at night?
My heart told me: Because you have already slept in the afternoon don't act like you are in love. Nobody fucking loves you.
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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".