A number of people have proverbs and motivational messages as their status messages but very less have funny status messages. I have seen a lot of people have one just for the sake of it, One of my friend has ‘Be Positive’.. Really? Is that what you are trying to tell the world about u?  I have a collection and plan to make them public thorugh my blog. To get started off, here are some funny and ridiculous status messages.



    The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue

    As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either

    Forget Health Food. I’m at an age where i need all the preservatives i can get.

    My take home pay doesn’t ven take me home.

    I would be unstoppable. If i could just get started.

    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

    Reason I joined IT: I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.

    Reason I joined IT:Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.

    A day without sunshine is like, night.

    Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize   t    them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

    Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

    Death is hereditary.

    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

    Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

    Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

    Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

    Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

    Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. What u prefer??

    I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

    I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

    If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

    Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.

    Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….

    Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

    Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

    Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

    When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

    We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    My friend recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs… ..”

    Love is holding hands in the street.Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

    Love is cuddling on a sofa.Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

    Love is going to bed early.Marriage is going to sleep early.

    Tv has no place in love.Marriage is a fight for remote control.

    Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

See some crazy people whatsapp status update. everyday i update, some funny whatsapp status.

A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
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Do you ever express your feelings with someone and afterwards you think to yourself.... that was gay as fuck.
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I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.

Creative Whatsapp Status, Make your whatsapp funny by sharing some interesting status

When my hands are cold I warm them between my thighs. Are your ears cold?

One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk

Girls spend too much time deciding what to wear, like guys aren't picturing them naked the whole time.

Some one Liner Short Jokes Message for your whatsapp message.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.

2 blondes walk into a building... you'd think one of them would've seen it.

A fish swims into a wall. Dam.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.

I don't remember where I heard this one but I think it's pretty funny:
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.

A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.

A man goes to the circus manager and asks for a job. The manger asks "What can you do?" "Well," says the guy, "it's easier if I show you." He starts flapping his arms, and runs then he takes off and flies around and around inside the big top, looping around the poles, perching on the high wire and eventually he swoops back to the manager and lands softly in front of him. The manager looks at him for a minute, strokes his chin and says "That's all you do? Bird impersonations?"

I usually go with "what's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?" One less drunk


What's an Irish seven-course meal?
A six pack and a potato.

What do wooden whales eat?

Plankton.

This joke is legit [OC] which is why it's so fucking terrible.
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Wanna be the reason for her smile every morning....not the one making her cry every night..

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"Never hate people who r jealous of u ,respect their jealousy.
cuz they r the one who think u r better than them".

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If I could be any part of you I'd be your tear.
To be conceived in your heart born in your eyes
live on your cheeks and die on your lips.

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u'Ve cOmplete right to kick off nusiance nd useless Ppl from ur Lyf cause at the end its ur lyf.

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Sitting in class wondering how the hell the teacher got the job..

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Never be dependent to anyone in this world cuz even your own shadow leaves you when you're in the darkness..!!
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Stay strong, make them wonder how you're still smiling

My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

All those who are still in school, this is for you – You are having the best time of your life, live it.

I believe GOD per perfect plan for my life!

I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet I'm right here.

We've still got a few days until Valentine's Day, so if you're secretly in love with me... Now is the time to speak up.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

“So many books, so little time.”

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And others I love to punch in the face.