A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
2 blondes walk into a building... you'd think one of them would've seen it.
A fish swims into a wall. Dam.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
I don't remember where I heard this one but I think it's pretty funny:
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
A man goes to the circus manager and asks for a job. The manger asks "What can you do?" "Well," says the guy, "it's easier if I show you." He starts flapping his arms, and runs then he takes off and flies around and around inside the big top, looping around the poles, perching on the high wire and eventually he swoops back to the manager and lands softly in front of him. The manager looks at him for a minute, strokes his chin and says "That's all you do? Bird impersonations?"
I usually go with "what's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?" One less drunk
What's an Irish seven-course meal?
A six pack and a potato.
What do wooden whales eat?
Plankton.
This joke is legit [OC] which is why it's so fucking terrible.
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